Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm really happy for you...really

So my best friend just got engaged. Not just any best friend though. This was the one who I taught about dating, the one who is a couple years younger than me. The one who doesn't have quite frankly the "resume" that I do. But I'm happy for him. I really am.

I've had previous best friends get engaged before, and inevitably they go off and live life. Married life. I'm not going to say they forget about you. Of course not! Not if you were really good friends. It's just different. Just as their lives will never be the same, your relationship with your friend will never be the same. They're the same person, but entirely different. You're not going to be driving around at all hours of the night getting slurpees or ice cream or whatever. You're not going to be swapping dating stories anymore, because they won't have any. Really non of it will be the same. Your conversations will be completely different, and you will be spending virtually no time in person anymore. They're still a friend, but they go from "best friend" to more of a really good acquaintance.

If I sound bitter...that's because I am.  G-d forbid I'm not blaming anyone. That's just the way that life works. I don't expect you to go out with me when I'm feeling bored, because thankfully you're not bored. You've got a spouse to take care of. I don't expect you to talk to me as often, because you have got someone more important to speak to. I wish I did, and I'm not planning on acting any differently when it happens to me. Every time you get a text in the middle of our conversation, and you laugh and answer back, I'm not upset at you. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm just reminded of that which I don't have. That which seems so far away. That's not your fault. 

But just because I'm bitter doesn't mean I'm not happy for you. I'm really excited that you thought of a great way to propose, that you found this perfect gift that she will love. I'm really happy that you're happy. I love that you have found someone. You truly deserve it. You haven't had an easier time than me by any stretch of the imagination. 

However, there is a difference between being happy for you and being happy about this for me. I wish I could do both, but right now I'm only the former and not the latter. And please don't blame me for this. 


  1. In a certain sense, there is a loss of a friendship, or the dynamics that used to exist.

    When my roommate got engaged, and he was a very close friend of mine, I had a really tough time. Overnight he seemed to disappear, and it was a painful experience for me. I was happy for him, and mourning a loss of companionship.

    Over time, I've accepted the different dynamic, and we find time to talk or get together whenever we can. But I totally hear where you are coming from, and I have experienced the same thing myself.

  2. I also experienced the same thing, from both sides. It's difficult when someone else makes the transition to that next stage in life and we're not there yet. But you'll get there too, when the time and person is right. Stay strong!

    PS - I'm glad to see there are other male dating bloggers out there. A number of us got engaged/married within the past year, so it's great to see another guy fill in the void. Hatzlacha and congrats on the Bad4 link - that's what helped propel my blog too!

  3. @ish- Time heals all wounds. I'm dealing with it the best I can, and getting more and more used to it.

    @SOG- Thanks!