Monday, September 5, 2011

The title of this blog

I was reading  Frumanista's blog this morning, where she talks about why she doesn't like the phrase "im yirtzeh Hashem by you," and I figured I would explain why I chose it as the title of my blog.


It certainly is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. But I picked iyhbyu because it is one of the most loaded phrases in shidduchim. When it is said out of pity, it can certainly be infuriating. However, I think that I'm in the minority of daters that I don't mind the phrase.  At the end of the day, it is a bracha, and I'm going to say "amen" if someone says it, or "bekorov etzelcha."  I'd rather people not feel like they have to ignore my status as single, and sweep it under the rug. I don't like it when people feel like they can't mention marriage out of fear I will burst into tears or something. 


I guess it really depends who it comes from. I certainly agree with Frumanista that an 18 year-old should have a bit more tact than to say it to a 25 year old single. You need to use your judgment. I appreciate it if it is said by someone I know, or an older person. Sometimes I feel like some people are saying it condescendingly, but other times it's like "hey, I know that you're single, but it's cool. You'll get there soon enough. " 









8 comments:

  1. Yes, I agree- it really depends on context as to whether it is a negative or a positive phrase. I wrote a post about this where I took both sides: http://lifeaftersterncollege.blogspot.com/2010/08/im-yirtzeh-hashem-by-you-debate.html

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  2. Sterngrad-Great post! Very well said. As for one of the comments on there asking why we should give weight to a newly engaged person's bracha; The Gemorah says "al t'hi birchas hediot kal b'eynecha" A simple person's blessing should not be taken lightly. Every little bit helps.

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  3. The phrase doesn't bother me, the way it's said is what disgusts me some time

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  4. I agree with your reasoning; not everyone saying IyHbY is doing so out of malice. See this post and this post for further elucidation on the topic.

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  5. i think its a bracha and if someone says it u shoud be happy they said it to u and say amen!!!

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  6. "A simple person's blessing should not be taken lightly." I suppose that's one way I would no longer be offended - by viewing anyone who says it as simple . . .

    The thing is that I don't want to be classified as just "desperate single." I don't think of myself as simply "single." I'm more than that. And, as I mentioned in a previous post, no blessing is necessary . . . not even from Rav Moshe.

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  7. @princess- lol whatever works. I definitely hear why people don't like the term. I just fall on the other side of the debate. and which previous post are you referring to?

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  8. http://frumanista.blogspot.com/2011/08/no-blessing-needed.html

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