Sunday, September 4, 2011

A word on shidduch resumes

Some people think they are an indispensable part of dating. Others think it's a complete waste of time. The truth is somewhere in between.

On the one hand, I can't stand when people just send me a shidduch resume without telling me anything about the girl, a resume which sometimes will only have a list of schools, family, and references, and ask me "So, nu, do you want to go out with her?" I'm sorry but what you just sent me looks like every resume that's been sent to me in the past 6 months. You can't honestly expect me to give you an honest answer of whether or not I think it's a good idea to go out based off of looking at a resume for five minutes. Maybe you can tell me what you saw to think this a good idea, and at least give me the illusion that you did not just think: pants+skirt=shidduch.

 On the other hand, I don't like when people just extol a girl's virtues and personality traits, without sending me a resume. I would like to know which sem she went to, what's her family situation, and if she's got a blurb describing herself and what she's looking for, it  is somewhat useful in weeding out those people who are completely off the map.

BTW I also like the term "profile" a bit better than resume. Sounds less businesslike.

10 comments:

  1. I suspect you’re wrong. You can tell a lot about a person just based on their resume. Or more succinctly, a resume is a really good starting point, even if it doesn’t help you make a definitive answer, it should give you some direction or at least a basis for what questions to ask. See my posts on analyzing resumes for an idea of what I am talking about.

    With regards to alternative terminologies such as the “profile,” all I have to say is putting lipstick on a pig… ;-)

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  2. Most bloggers at some point will blog about resumes and how they feel about it... I agree that the term profile is a better word for it as we are not selling anyone's performances but Sibaw's got a point, you gotta start somewhere. Personally, I do not have a resume and I am still dreaming of simply meeting someone one day...

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  3. I think it can tell you about someone-but usually does not.

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  4. Just a question: How do you know by her "family situation" whether she is matim for you or not? She could be the greatest girl in the world that you would have a fantastic life with, but her parents might have divorced. Would so no because of that?

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  5. I like the term shidduch eulogy even more. My brother invented that after realizing that the only thing missing from these resumes/ profiles is an expiration date!

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  6. @sibaw- While I don't think you can tell "a lot" about a person from resumes, I do agree that it's a good starting point. That's why I don't like it when people don't send me them. I've started reading your resumeology posts, but am going to get through them soon iyh.

    @Yedid- Really? so what do you do if a shadchan asks you for one?

    @anon1- I wouldn't turn someone down simply because of a divorce. That's not what I mean by family situation. Let's say a girl's father is in kollel, her siblings are all either in kollel or married to someone in Lakewood. I can usually assume that either that is what she is looking for as well, or we aren't going to have a lot of common ground. Granted, there are exceptions and a shadchan can convince me otherwise, but like other comments have said, it's a good starting point.

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  7. I agree about the family thing. It's a good starting point, and everyone is looking for different things in their prospective in-laws. Do you want a close-knit relationship? Is she on good terms with them? A lot of this can be at least hinted to in the profile, and you can go from there in terms of research etc.

    Profile is definitely the word to use, and I think you're right about profiles being helpful, at least to start off with.

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  8. ye profile does sound better than a resume .
    I always thoought resumes sound like ur looking for a job. so profile sounds better when looking for a husband/wife.
    btw i really like ur blog can u try to post more often ? thanx

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  9. @anon- Thank you! I'm glad you like it. I would really love to post more, but unfortunately grad school doesn't really give me a lot of free time to write. I will do my best though.

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  10. k thanx as they say do ur best and hashem will do the rest !!!

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